123 again today, and I just don't understand why... I was good yesterday....

I hate the fat on my stomach and arms and my legs.

The ex called yesterday, and it was painful to hear from him.  He made it seem like he was so unaffected; he also made it seem like I made a huge mistake, and I should beg him for a new start.  He doesn't know me at all . . . that's not my style.  I would rather wallow in a black pit of sorrow than break my conviction.  He was wrong, he was uninterested, he was too busy, he likes games, and I'm the one who wanted a relationship, and I'm the one who promised to work on it, and I'm the one that gave him more than one chance.  He's the one that broke my trust.

I had three bites of pita with spinach today (150 calories).  That's all I will have.  I am in class from 1:00-9:00PM, and there's no chance that I will have time for food really.  I may get a coffee with cream but no sugar during my break.  We'll see.

I wish I could control my weight; I want this ugly fat off of my body.  It's clinging to all my bones, seeping through all of my pores, clogging them with it's stench, and I'm suffocating under it.  Makes me want to take a bath in barbed wire and scrape it all away.  I hate this feeling, I hate my mirror, and I hate my body.